Framingham Cosmetic Dentistry - Dental Humor

Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist: Dont worry, it's my first extraction too.

Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.
Assistant: Why don't you marry her?
Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.

Dentist: Just let me finish and you will be another man after these cosmetic procedures.
Patient: Okay doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other man.

When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of "Painless" dentist. But a local lad quicky disputed this. "He's a fake ! " he told his mates. "He's not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him - and he yelled like anyone else."

Dentist to parsimonous patient: "No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs Borde !"

Young Charlie to dentist's sexy chariside assistant: "Aha ! Are you the lady orthodontist ?"
The lady replied "No, but I'll straighten anyone's teeth."

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well and they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink.
A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.
He then took off his socks and washed his hands.
The girl looked at him and said, "You must be a dentist!"
Flabbergasted, the guy responded, "Why yes. That's amazing. How did you determine that?"
The woman replied, "Easy... you keep washing your hands."
Well, one thing led to another, and they migrated to the bed. Things became more and more passionate and... (*snip*)
After their passionate deed was done the woman remarked, "You must be a GREAT dentist!"
The guy was very surprised, and said 'Yes! Yes! I sure am a great dentist... You amaze me! And how did you know THAT, my dear?"
His lover said, "That's easy. I didn't feel a thing."

Stammering charlie to dentist's sexy secretary "I have an appointment to get my morals - er molars checked."

A particularly voluptuous lady entered the dentists surgery in an obvious state of agitation. The dentist tried to calm her down assuring her that he would do nothing to hurt her. She sat down in the chair and started fidgeting nervously as the dentist began sterilizing all the required equipment. When he asked her to open her mouth, she screamed.
So he tried to calm her down again even though he was losing patience.
Almost immediately the lady threw a hysterical fit, then realising that the dentist had begun glaring at her, she said, "Oh doctor, I'm so nervous. I hate dentists. Why, I think I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth drilled."
Replied the dentist " Well Miss, better make up your mind fast so that I can accordingly adjust the chair."

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to the hotel that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten to get his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.
"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair...try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: with pain $200 and without pain $100. Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain. .....Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!! Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $200
Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
Having your dentist tell you.

Dentist says to the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock cricket day-night game.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie...

A patient asked the dentist if it wasn't nasty to be all day with his hands in someone's mouth.
The dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

A woman goes to the dentist. When he bows to begin to work, she grabs his balls. The dentist says,
"Madam, I believe you have taken my private zone."
The woman answers, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."

Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.

Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?...
A month later he was picking his teeth

What does the dentist of the year get?...A little plaque.
What game did the dentist play when she was a child?...Caps and robbers.
What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?...He braces himself.
What did the dentist see at the North Pole?...A molar bear.
What was the dentist doing in Panama?...Looking for the Root Canal.
Where does the dentist get his gas?...At the filling station.
Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?...He was already taking out a tooth.
What did the dentist say to the computer?...This won't hurt a byte.
Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?...Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it.
What did the tooth say to the departing dentist?...Fill me in when you get back.

"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."

While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said, "Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too." When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my Mother."

"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist." "I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again ?"

A patient sits in the dental chair with severely fractured front teeth. After discussing how they will be restored and what the fee would be the patient says, " Before we begin, Doc, I gotta know: Will I be able to play the trumpet when you are finished? "
The dentist replies " Sure you will! "
The patient replies " Great, I couldn't play a note before! "
When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of "Painless" dentist. But a local lad quicky disputed this. "He's a fake ! " he told his mates. "He's not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him - and he yelled like anyone else."

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied... "Not yet...It's his turn with the teeth!"

Bible verse hanging in a dental office:
Psalms 81:10:" . . . open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it."

An elderly patient went to have her teeth checked.
"Mrs. Hopgood, your teeth are good for the next 50 years." the dentist beamed.
To which she replied, "What will they do without me?"

After a difficult day seeing patients, most of whom had been children, the dentist's biggest challenge had been getting those little mouths to stay open. To his delight, his last patient was an adult. "Welcome," he told her as he began the examination. "It's so nice to work on someone with a big mouth."

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

Actual Names of Practicing Dentists
Dr.Pullman, Dr.Filler, Dr.Fear, Dr.Rensch (pronounced wrench), Dr.Pick, Dr.Tusk, Dr. Drewel (pronounced "drool"), Dr.Tucek (2thChk), Dr.Chu, Dr.Shugar, Dr.Pic, Dr.Pang, Dr.Butcher, Dr.Harm, Dr.Hurter, Dr.Toothaker, Dr.Lynch, Dr.Root, Dr.Nasti, Dr.Paine/Payne/Pain (15 entries but notably Dr.Daryl B Payne = "There Will Be Pain"), Dr.Smiley, Dr.Schotz, Dr.Hale (pronounced "hell" in southern), Dr.Bliss, Dr.Lancit, Dr.Gager, Dr. Eke

Medical Doctor Humor
"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

A man goes to the dentist who besides being an excellent dentist, also has a great sense of humour and usually has a joke to share with his patients. Near the end of the examination, the dentist said thought he should do an impression. The patient said, "Great, who are you going to do?"